Family, as much as we love them, often are the biggest challenges of the holidays. “Getting to” spend time with some of the extended – and maybe not so extended family is often one of the biggest stressors of the season.
Here are 7 tips that can be utilized, not only during the holidays, but in everyday life to ease some of that stress = whether that is during the holidays, within your workplace or in other relationships in your life.
Tip #1 – Be Honest. Think about what you really want. Be honest with yourself and communicate your needs and desires honestly to those you are communicating with. You will be surprised how understanding family and others can be when you are honest. Looking for a solution sometimes is not nearly as combative as we can imagine it to be. We tend to make up stories in our heads that are much worse than reality! Ask yourself to list facts, not assumptions, to get a realistic look at how to have better conversations.
Tip #2 – Avoid Personal Insults. When conversations start happening and a tightness in the stomach, chest or jaw begins – a quick mental check to remove yourself emotionally and look at the situation from the outside can help to diffuse emotion. Do a little self-talk. Pull yourself back and stop from reacting emotionally, which usually spirals into insults or childish behavior. Do what I call the test of time: walk through a timeline in your head…Is this really going to matter in 10 minutes? 10 Days? 10 Months? 10 years? This helps put perspective on the situation and allows less of an emotional reaction.
Tip # 3 – Determine Your Triggers. This is a great way to tackle expected anxiety or emotional issues. Once you know who or what might push your buttons you are better prepared. Set some rules. Boundaries that others aren’t allowed to invade. These boundaries can be personal to you or general to your workplace, specific individuals you are interacting with or the family in general. Some of these rules may include no politics, religion, discussion on singleness, or other subjects that lead to passionate interactions.
Tip #4 – Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. This ties into determining what your triggers are and being more tolerant. It involves overlooking minor irritations and frustrations. We all have habits, mannerism, and quirks that irritate and/or frustrate each other. How many of them are rational? Again…test of time…is it going to matter in another 10 minutes? Step back and determine what you are really going to enjoy instead of being annoyed at.
Tip #5 – Establish Rituals. Plan different activities that allow the entire group to connect when spending time together. Activities have a way of pulling people together on common ground. Why do you think teambuilding is such a huge part of the corporate world? Think about what might draw your group together – not necessarily what interests them. Look up the history of the day relatives were born, share facts that no one knows, etc.
Tip #6 – Listen but Keep Talking. In other words, keep the lines of communication open. So often we just stop talking. Make sure there is a real reason for disagreements and #1: It’s not made up; #2: It’s not just hearsay; and #3: it is not being blown out of proportion by silence. Spend some time brainstorming with your family or group for solutions for your unique situation. Pay attention to what everyone has to say. Doing so will make them not only feel heard and valued within the group but it also will help them develop respect towards you, the family or the group in general.
Tip #7 – Have Realistic Expectations People are people. People will judge you. Accept it and don’t let it bother you. Minimize your contact on touchy subjects with difficult people. Again, use activities to bring people together who might only pick at each other otherwise. Distract them…who was president when you graduated high school? What was your first date with Uncle Bob like? Distract them from making you miserable.
You will find that many of these tips can be used together. For instance, Tip #1 of being honest with yourself and others helps you to not devolve into insults and helps you to determine your triggers, etc.
About the Author
Melanie Cornwell is the owner of MLC Resources, LLC. MLC Resources provides individual and team development services in the form of facilitated workshops on communication, leadership, team dynamics and personal branding. In addition to utilizing over 15+ years’ experience in global corporations, she is a licensed consultant of the behavioral tool Psycho-Geometrics ® that is used to identify behaviors that can be managed for personal communication success, as well as a certified member of the John Maxwell Team. John Maxwell Team members are certified Coaches, Trainers, Speakers utilizing the #1 global leaders’ (John Maxwell, himself!) materials and training to provide personal and professional growth in leadership, teambuilding and communication to individuals, organizations and companies worldwide.
